Friday, February 1, 2013
So my daughter earned a special "show and tell" day at school today, and what does she want to take? Our dog. So I have to go talk our miniature schnauzer into being OK with the fact that lots of small children will be mauling her in an hour. I can only assume it will go well considering all my dog every wants is to be left alone forever.
Ew I just love that idea that there are guys who are really into pregnant women. I mean, don't get me wrong, pregnancy is super special and magical and whatever else the unicorns tell you, but most of the time you feel fat. And sweaty. And pretty gassy. And also like if anyone touches you, they'll get a punch in the throat. But uh yeah, really sexy too.
"Cheap American flag shorts."
Ah, but aren't they all cheap? Nothing says patriotism by wearing your country's flag emblazoned across your crotch and in acid wash.
"How to make harem pants."
"What's the best place to steal cosmetics?"
For reals? Where is your mother and why is she not monitoring your computer use better?
"Sexy Care Bears."
There. Now enjoy your day, soul-sucking life ruiner. Hope you have fun decimating what was left of everyone's childhoods!
"Does hair on your body make you look fat or skinny."
Uh, neither. It makes you look hairy.
"How to luk fat."
Yeah, why don't you go ahead and stop focusing on your outward appearance and work more on passing first grade English. Then we'll talk about how you "luk."
K, either this is the same person who wants to luk skinny, or something looking for what I can only assume is an adult film star with really long legs and really inflated lips.
Alright, I'm off to be the Mom of the Year for like, five minutes. Hopefully it makes up for the other 1,435 minutes of the day. Happy Friday, everyone!