Friday, June 8, 2012
Hi Friends! (I thought you guys would find this hilarious, especially with the hipster love everyone's been feeling lately -- "Pretend to be deaf, just like you pretend to be short sighted!")
I am declaring today a "catch up day," where I get all the stuff I didn't have time for the rest of the week done. I have my sights set on laundry, a few episodes of "Vampire Diaries," and a couple of work projects I've had on the back burner. Sorry, shoe-a-day calendar. You did not make the cut and shall remain on June 1st.
Let's check this one off the list!
Lauren sent me these on Facebook, kindly pointing out that when viewed from a certain angle, they look like they have a certain part of anatomy. I apologize in advance.
Also, they're just ugly. Like, a special type of I-do-macrame-and-smell-like-patchouli-ugly.
Saw this on Pinterest as a way to "upcycle" old Barbie dolls. OK, people. This obsession with upcycling HAS GOT TO STOP. Turning jeans into cutoffs, I understand. But slicing the lips off of your kid's toys and wearing them around your neck makes you look like a cannabalistic serial killer.
I bet you listen to Gotye, too.
These are called - I kid you not - Shoe Condoms. The zebra part is s cover that "protects your heels" with a "conversation piece."
1) I'm sorry, but if you're hanging out in places where your shoes are at risk for STDs, you might want to rethink the company you keep.*
2) Also, does the conversation they inspire go like this? "Um, did you skin a zebra? You deserve an STD."
*And yes, I know that this product is not actually meant to protect against herpes. It's A JOKE. There, that absolves me of anyone getting chlamydia while wearing these. I'm basically a lawyer.
As if you need ANOTHER reason to never wear Crocs ever: Croc-foot.
Oh Chinese Walmart, you so racist!
If you can't read it, this shirt says "Now be a good boy else the black man will come down after you."
Let's just take a moment to absorb that.
Racist cats. So hot right now.
Jessica sent these over. Is anyone else feeling the need to run a marathon?
Also, is it me, or do they look like tiny stripper poles for the littlest strippers?
Oh sweet mother, I just gave TLC an idea for their next reality show.
Jennifer sent over these pants, but what confused me more was the product description, which said these would be great after a low impact workout? Umm, OK, weirdly specific product description. Can I try? "These pants are great for repelling the opposite sex while petting your cat and watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and crying into your lonely pillow every Friday night." See? I can do it too.
Alright, my day of awesome productivity BEGINS. OK, or at least it BEGINS when my in-laws come to get my kids to take them to the movies. Until then, you can find my pouring Froot Loops and wondering why we have so many McDonald's toys to step on.