Friday, May 18, 2012
OK, so Freaky Friday is suuuper late today. But I have good reasoning - it was my daughter's kindy grad today. So naturally we had to do that and then it threw the rest of my day completely off schedule. I'm the kind of person who has a calendar planning session every Sunday night. I like order because I'm a really scatterbrained person. So having my routine thrown off makes me insane. BUT! The grad was cute, and now I'm excited that I don't have to get my kid outta bed in the morning to catch the bus. I cherish my quiet time in the morning.
But I digress! I couldn't let Friday fly by without some snark!
Amy sent me an article with the title "Is This the Worst Nail Trend EVER?"
Let's see: Putting on fake nails that are shaped like duck feet and then bedazzling them like you were crafting while drink? Uh, yeah, I'd say that qualifies as the worst ever.
Stephanie sent me this prime specimen of front bum in the wold. Careful; it spooks easily. ANd by "spooks," I mean "jiggles".
Sara overcame pregnancy nausea to send me these shoes that straight up look like they were made from human flesh.
OOH! Story time! So when it comes to horror movies, I'm not as scared of ghosts and aliens as I am of slasher movies. Maybe because all slasher movies happen in sleepy towns full of cows and I happen to live in a sleepy town full of cows. Once, against my better judgement, I watched the new version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with my hubs and our friends.
Aaaaaand I cried all the way home.
Through the corn fields.
Somewhere, Angelina Jolie is very glad that there exists a skirt that does the leg-sticking-out for her.
One of my favorite Pinterest finds because it was labeled "I need these NOW."
For you career as a street juggler?
Stephanie sent these shorts, which have so much going on that I feel like I have to properly categorize my feelings:
1) Where is this person's belly button? It concerns me.
2) Does this count as vajazzling? If you don't know what vajazzling is, don't ask questions and consider yourself lucky.
3) That lace looks like something I dug out of my sketchy bag of fabric scraps.
4) I feel like I see a bulge. DON'T LOOK.
Hey, I love pattern mixing as much as the next fashion blogger, but this looks like a thrift shopping hipster totally barfed on this poor model. WE GET IT YOU'RE OBSCURE.
I now present: The Saddest Patterned Tights I've Ever Seen. Why is one of the cats frowning? Is it because he knows that the wearer will be forever alone?
Brenda sent this hair purse that had a DIY and everything. It went like this:
Step 1: Find an old purse that you hate.
Step 2: Shave your head or scalp someone while they aren't looking.
Step 3: Glue it to your purse.
Step 4: Comb it lovingly as you acknowledge the fact that you're completely insane.
Step 5: Braid it and tell it secrets.
Step 6: Die.
I'm actually secretly glad Brenda sent it over, because I was wondering what to wear with my rainbow hair suit.
PHEW! Dodged that bullet!
I thought there was no way that we could top the ugliness of the cat swimsuit. But a wood grain swimsuit might actually win. Especially with the inexplicable Wet Seal belt slapped on there as an afterthought.
OH! I feel like this "wood" be a good time for a pun contest. HAHAHA. I'm clever. If you love me, you'll indulge my love of puns with a comment that has to do with this swimsuit.
Like "Birch, please."
Or, "I've been pining for this suit forever."
And "If we cut her open, will we find out how old she is?"
Um, wow. That went to a really dark place just now.
Oh, if only I could harness all of the potential I have.
But seriously. Wood swimsuit puns. Winner gets a nicely worded compliment from me. GO!
Well, the mailman just dropped a box of 10 books at my door and they're not going to read themselves. I have a big night planned, apparently.