Friday, May 11, 2012
OK, so I think by now we've established my thoughts on the subject, right? Moms should get a present on Mother's Day. Period. Unless you buy her any of the following gifts, which should be killed with fire immediately. Seriously, just get a card.
I speak the truth when I tell you that I Had a vest JUST like this. When I was 11. Me and my elementary school BFF had the same one and we wore them with red turtlenecks, high waisted jeans, and red socks on the same day to a field trip. Then we tried to convince everyone that it was just a coincidence.
OMG I was such a nerd.
Lauren sent me this gem. Why is it that studded shoes always make me think of crotch kicking? Actually, give these to your mom so she can take her frustration out on your dad when he forgets to get her something.
How about these sweet lace inset jeans? Megan sent me these with the following message:
"I saw these on Pinterest with the caption "I NEED these!" The only reason anyone should need these hideous pants is to burn them for heat in the winter."
Megan, you are hilarious. Let's be friends. And braid each other's hair and tell secrets?
My favorite part is the wedges she's wearing them with. Um, why?
I know I've featured these Narnia shoes on here before, but Lindsay sent me these with a note that they "now come in cow."
Yes; just what your mom wants. The idea that you think she's a heifer. Prepare to be disowned.
This could be the ugliest poncho I've ever seen, which is saying a lot because I think all ponchos should be torched. On the bright side, it would totally look like you spend hours in a "How to crochet crappy 70s clothes" class to make this for mumsy.
More crochet from Brooklyn. I mean, at this point, isn't it easier to just go naked?
Francie sent me these shoes covered in Mongolian hair. I used to have a German shepherd who shed fur like this -- should I have been selling it instead?
Francie also sent me these Little House on the Prairie moon boots. The description is awesome.
"UGG like boots amazing without the fur inside but inside with a black leather.
CUTE with everything, soft on the foot, warm, cozy & super odd & unique."
NOTHING about that description sounds appealing to me whatsoever. And when is "UGG-like" a selling point? Of course, mom could totally wear them when...
....Nothin'. I got nothin'.
Is mom auditioning for a role in "The Scarlett Letter"? Then help her do it in style with this $500 Shaker dress. I like how it says "Please don't find me attractive!" (Thanks Jessica!)
Look, I'd be overjoyed to get a pair of peacock earrings for Mother's Day. But I don't think I need an entire duck on my head. Francie sent this one over. It's a steal at $15. Which led me to do some very deep thinking on how cheaply you can skin a duck. Like, $15? That is REALLY CHEAP.
Why can't stuff that doesn't make you look like a complete psychopath ever that cheap? Boo.
Well, ladyfriends (and my two male fans) I'm signing off for the weekend. I hope you get all the recognition, hugs, love, and couture that's coming to you this Sunday. If not, you can totally email me and I"ll send a threatening letter to your husband. I'll also buy that duck hat and take a picture of myself in it and attach said picture to the threatening level. Nobody messes with a lady with a FULL DUCK HIDE on her head.