Friday, March 30, 2012
I just got back from yoga, where I'm happy to say I didn't spend the entire time thinking about pastrami burgers. This time I was too busy agonizing over my freakishly small arms. Le sigh.
Anyway, I signed into my stat counter the other day and noticed that the weirdo search queries were piling up yet again. Time for some more fun with keywords, right?
(If you're new to the blog, "Fun with Keywords" is when I check the search queries that people used to find my oh-so-fine website and then try and figure out how to answer them. YAY!)
Um, I'm not a huge volleyball player at all. But that's because I'm 5'4' yuk yuk yuk I am so funny. But seriously. There's a lot of jumping. If nude, wouldn't there be a lot of flopping as well? SHUDDER.
-"Sexy woman wearing half-arm latex gloves."
What an incredibly specific fantasy you have.
Wife: Want to role play tonight?
Husband: Do I!?
Wife: Tell me what you want.
Husband: I'd like you to wear half-arm latex gloves. HALF ARM. None of those unsexy wrist-length. Also, I'd like you to wear three-year-old tennis shoes with purple socks. PURPLE. Then, exactly two inches of belly skin showing. I have a ruler to check. Put your hair in a hairnet and draw a heart on your face while singing Coldplay's Viva la Vida.
Wife: I have a headache.
(In case you were wondering, yes, I did miss my calling as an adult film writer.)
-"Bedazzled jean jacket."
-"Fanny pack abs."
I think you and I both know there's no such thing. Fanny packs are almost always worn with a pancake butt and tourist belly, kthanks.
-"Mango fantasy clothes."
That really depends on the type of mango.
Either way, things are gonna get exotic.
Um.. OK. Here goes:
Why did the pokémon trainer hide under your bed?
So he could pikachu in the night!
Ba-dum dum cheeeee. (That was drum.)
-"Women cat exercise clothes."
Sorry. This was all I found. But I think it's infinitely more adorable than a woman wearing a cat leotard, amiright?
Please. There's an entire site dedicated to that.
As always, I want to personally thank the perverts, Internet newbies and people who just took a wrong turn at Google to get here. It means endless entertainment for yours truly and plenty of traffic that I probably shouldn't have gotten. Hooray internet!
Happy Friday guys!