Freaky Friday

Friday, February 24, 2012

Happy weekend peeps and peepsters (I have no idea what I Just said.) We've had a bunch of new readers lately, so if this is your first time experiencing some sweet Freaky Friday action, get ready. It's awesome. Then, check out the Facebook page, where we continue the discussion on the Kardashians and how I hate see-through pants. It's fun, I promise.

And for my usual readers, hi! I love you. Let's hang out, k? I have a big mission planned for Friday. Today's "good mom" activity is to take my kids to the doctor because my daughter needs a shot and then to head to the Disney Store to make her stop crying. I'm also on a mission to find some fly accessories for a cocktail dress. Yes, I just used "fly" in a sentence like it was 1993. I also listen to "Push It" a lot and sometimes reference In Living Color. Deal with it.

Janelle sent me this beaut on the Facebook page. THIS is why instead of asking your husband "Does this make me look fat?" you should always ask "Are these non-pants completely see-through to the point that you can see my butt dimples?" You'll probably get a more honest answer that way.

There could literally not be another thing wrong with these pants. They are stretchy, too-short butt-munching overalls worn jumper-style without a shirt by a model who needs a sandwich. It's like someone read this site and decided to marry all the things that I hate on one garment. If only they were acid wash!

WHY did I find this AFTER Valentine's Day!? (Sorry to all of my family members who read this blog.) Changes the meaning of "bacon lover" a little bit, doesn't it? Are you a bacon lover, or a BACON LOVER?

At first I was like "Ew, is that a horse on her head" and then I looked some more and realized I was looking at a tusked pig and everything was right with the world again.

Sara sent this to me with the subject "Breastplate shirt" and I was like hey, we all have to protect our girls somehow, amiright? Bacon bra or tin-plated shirt... tomato, tomahto.

I am totally the kind of person who will stay up till 2 am watching the history channel to learn more about King Tut's wives and whatnot, so I feel like I'm basically an expert. And I also feel like this swimsuit is not historically accurate. Also, I would feel uncomfortable that the graphic on my swimwear feels the need to cover me with his hands. Who knew Tut was such a stickler for modesty?

I saw these on Pinterest and the pinner was like "I need these so bad!" I was like uh, you "need" to have flotation devices strapped to your feet? What is this, Waterworld? I hope you also "need" ankle rehabilitation following a bad sprain after you fall off of your stupid 10" shoes.

Business in the front, lonely cat lady in the back.

If you ever wondered what happens when a carnival clown and a punk rocker vomit concurrently.

Actually, the more I look at this, the more I like it. I would love to wear this during the following times:
-When flying with my children.
-When I put on a jacket that is too small in the fitting room and can't get out of it again. Instant hyperventilation.
-When a store doesn't have a leopard skin skirt in my size (I'm looking at you, F21).
-When I see women in mom jeans.
-When I see men in mom jeans (OMG SO MUCH WORSE)
-When I find out that the next season of Downton (not Downtown, which is what my husband calls it) Abbey doesn't air until next year (seriously, just kill me.)
-When I find out that my daughter ate my last Canadian chocolate bar. Like seriously, I could just put her up for adoption for that.

I love these shoes that Ashley sent me. They're like tiny geriatric walkers for your feet. I would like them more if those little balls were actually tennis balls.

Alright, your Friday awaits! As always, thanks to the friends who send me ugly stuff throughout the week, it warms my cold little heart. I'll keep you up to date on my fly accessories hunt. I know you'll be waiting on pins and needles.


Leah Elzinga said...

Does anyone else look at that bathing and think "LOOK! Here's my ovaries!" No? Just me?

Deveny said...

hahahaha; I'm dying over the bacon bra....
Pinterest is the ultimate one-stop shop for freaky friday ideas. And stupid commments about how these people need these hideous clothing. I can't count how many of these I've seen and gone.. "I should really email these"..

ChiChi said...

ooooooooooooooooooomagawd. I am a fairly new reader...and that was the funniest chizz I've read in a long time!! The bacon, the see through pants, the cat lady, the historically inaccurate bathing suit. Despite two trips to the doctors office this week due to ear infections.. (yes for each kid...awesome)..Thank you...THANK YOU...for making my week!

Jae said...

lol I've found some of the BEST fails on Pinterest. Hello!? Do we remember the crocheted man shorts?

Leah, one time I did an entire post on ovary pillows. I am not even lying.

ChiChi, glad to help. Ear infections suck, but bacon bras make it allllll better.

Natalie said...

HAHAHAHAH! Oh my gosh, these are all fabulous!!!

Anonymous said...

Not Downtown Abbey. It's DownTON Abbey.

Jae said...

lol I knew that... my fingers got excited. My husband is always calling it Downtown and I'm like um, what is wrong with you?

Jenna said...

So many thoughts. I can't put them all together.

1) Ok, tennis ball shoes ... WHAT is she doing, lifting one up in that manner? Lap-dancing, or taking a pee?

2) is the source of 90% of my laughter. OK, I'm being generous. 85%.

3) The AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH necklace: When my kids come home from the park and dump sand all over the wood floors. HELLO!

TropigothMama said...

My husband ate my last Canadian chocolate bar. He still doesn't get how upsetting that was. :(

Janelle Southern said...

Those cat-scratch nylons crack me up. They're the sort of thing I'd wear under a long dress or tall boots (so nobody would actually see them) just for my own entertainment.

Anna said...

For next week you should check out mantyhose. Pantyhose for men. They even have a pair with one leg nude, one leg black. I died.

Ashley Smith said...

ewww bacon bra. I don't understand why if you felt the need to cover yourself with bacon you would take a picture... let alone send it to anyone...

MelBel said...

Showed my hubs the bacon bra... He got excited.

jacblanch said...

Oh, there are so many things wrong with the walker-shoes picture!
1) Cankles!
2) High-waters on the person behind the walker shoes.
3) Converse shoes below the high-water shoes. I'm not a fan of ugly shoes that make your feel look like they are two miles long.

Lauren said...

I am in love with the AArrrgGH necklace. It would be especially handy when the kids are acting up in public. Like a subtitle right below my angry face.

Cathy Anderson said...

This bra is nice and fits my body correctly and looks smooth under t-shirts. The padding is a little bulky, but if you wanted a padded bra for added size, this is your bra! I plan to order buy wonderbra online


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