Freaky Friday

Friday, February 3, 2012

Alright, this is going to be short because I have BIG PLANS today, you guys. Those plans include going to the local extreme gym and jumping in foam pits with my kids because I'm five years old at heart. Last time we went, I totally took on the trapeze. I nearly peed my pants I was so scared. Also, this means I'll be traipsing around the county in yoga pants. I am trying to make them look presentable enough that I can wear them out to lunch with with the hubs. Challenge accepted! Don't make fun of me.

I feel like these are the evil queen in Snow White, but in shoe form. Also, am I the only one who doesn't *get* open-toed boots?

Other things I don't *get*
-Dressing in "grandma chic."
-The appeal of 98 percent of famous people
-Why my husband doesn't want to take me to see "The Vow" on Valentine's day
-When people drive slowly in front of me

This poor girl has a bad case of sad, sleepy boob. It's like her breasts are the Eeyore of anatomy.

The other day I tucked a pen behind my ear. While I was downstairs cleaning up my kitchen (and by "cleaning up my kitchen" I mean playing Scramble with Friends against my brother) the pen slipped out and went down the back of my shirt and I literally (not figuratively) had a heart attack. I can't imagine how I would feel with wayward wiry strings making their way up my shorts.

Also, this model is at like, a stage 5 sandwich alert.

Someone tried telling me that "overalls are coming back" the other day. Yeah. Train engineers -- so hot right now.

And what is with everything in knits lately? I SWEAR Etsy has ruined knitted clothes for me. Knitted shorts, knitted overalls, knitted everything. I don't know if I want to live anymore.

Someone emailed this to me! Does anyone want to claim it? I tend to believe in leaving things to the imagination. I feel like this does the trick. I mean, you can't see ALL of her belly freckles, right?

Oh hey, multiple personality pants. The fug shorts just weren't enough to satisfy you, were they? You just HAD to add sheer pants, didn't you? WHO AM I TALKING TO!?

I enjoyed a brief but intense infatuation with Braveheart when I was like, 15. My brother had the special edition VHS tapes and changed our computer theme so when you shut it down it yelled "You can take our lives but you can never take our freedom." Also, we were huge nerds. In related news, I'm about 600 percent sure this is an actual costume from the movie. Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoooooooooooooooooooooooom!

I don't care if fur vests are in right now. I watched "Kourtney and Kim Take New York" last night and they were both wearing fur vests and they looked like sasquatches. I generally try to stay away from looking like mythical apes, but whatevs, right?

Ohhhhh I think it's time to bring back JANET RENO'S DANCE PARTY!! The amount of love I have cannot be described.

Nothing says "I'm weirdly obsessed with The Matrix" like these pants. Just as a general rule, can we say that butt capes are super unnecessary in all applications? That would be great.

Alright, I have to go shimmy into my super cool yoga pants to go act like a child for the rest of the day. As a making-healthy-meals-for-my-children mom, I pretty much suck. But as a removing-all-shame-to-play-in-foam-pits mom, I kinda rock. It's my saving grace.


Morgan -Ing said...

I like that braveheart dress. I'm just sayin'.

Jae said...

Morgs it would totally have potential without the weird undershirt and commando boots. With a cardi and flats maybe?

Nurse Heidi said...

butt-cape = my new favorite word.

Bronson Tyler said...

Way to go mom!... Best thing to be mom is to enjoy everyday about it...

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