Friday, November 11, 2011
Just so you know I just spent the morning cleaning out the Freaky Friday folder on my computer and it turned into a nostalgic yearbook moment. "Aww, remember that awful dress? Those shoes WERE hideous." Something like 200 pictures later and I decided it was time to do another weird fashion invention post. Because nothing says "the end of the year" like gathering up all the crap stuff that's sold via infomercials in one place.
You know I couldn't have this list without the Forever Lazy! Not only is it a glorified sleeper, but it has a butt hatch for using the bathroom AND a cool black guy wears it in the commercial. It's basically a must-have at this point. Please, feel free to wear it to Walmart without even a hint of irony.
Yessss fishnet tights attached to a shirt. Because putting on tights isn't hard enough as it is. It takes me roughly 30 minutes to maneuver myself into a pair after a shower, but yeah I definitely want to wrestle them over my arms too.
I swear, even a size 2 feels fat when trying to get into tights.
The Gizmo skirt!! Word on the street is that Lady Gaga bought one of these. I will forever associate her ladyparts with Gremlins. I mean, I think I might have already subconciously associated her ladyparts with Gremlins, but now it's for real.
Non-washable underwear. It's yellow in the front and brown in the back. I will point out that while it might not SHOW, it definitely will SMELL.
Might I introduce the Comfort Wand instead? It attaches to toilet paper to give you an additional 18 inch reach AND you can keep it in your purse. Please please please, at the very least.... use a Ziploc?
If UGGS and Crocs had a love child, this shoe would be born. And I would not come to its baby shower.
Necklace clasps are SO FRUSTRATING. It's like, just stay in the back eager beaver! Never fear, because now you can spend $15 to TAPE YOUR NECKLACE TO YOUR NECK I HAVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY.
LED Bra! I can see it now... "You are getting sleeeeeepy. So sleeeeeeepy. You kiiiiiind of have a headaaaaaache and don't reallllllly want to dooooooooo it. You waaaaant meeeeee to reeeeeead my new boook in the bathtub insteaaaaaaaad."
K, really tooth jewelry? Is it me or do all old teeth smell like DEATH? Like, here! Have you seen my stinky molar jewelry?
The noodle eater hair cover! Why didn't I think of that? Ohhh yeah.... I don't eat my soup with my face hovered over my bowl, that's why. Also.... no one thought of a ponytail here? Really?
YAY! We're just sorority sisters, you know, hanging out in our towels. Oops! They fell open! Oh no! Better get a glorified scrunchie to hold the top inch closed! Because heaven forbid we should actually wear pants when we hang out!
I blame Aguilera.
Yeah, you do your walk of shame, pantsless wonder.