Freaky Friday: Teen Choice Awards!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Don't you just love crap like the Teen Choice Awards? It's when I get to sit back and thank my lucky stars that I'm not an awkward teenager and only have Kardashians and Rebecca Black to look up to. It's awesome. I also believe that Teen Choice Awards is awkward because people never know what to wear. Like, it's not the Oscars, but it's definitely not the bar and for heaven's sakes KIDS are watching. Yet stars continue to disappoint by dressing in the most inaccessible ways possible. What teen has Brian Atwood heels. TELL ME!!

Kat Graham from the "Vampire Diaries" apparently forgot her show and came as a mummy. Are there mummies that show? I try my best to never watch the CW.

Hey, lady from the 36th revival of Nikita... sandwiches are delicious. You should eat one. Let's eat together. And paint each other's nails and tell each other secrets.

Weird pantaloon business suits: That's just SO Raven.

Also... is she wearing tights? Because I'm concerned.

I wish you could have heard the ungodly noise that came out of my mouth when I saw this. Oh Tyra, it's a sad day when I don't notice your "smize" because I'm too busy averting my eyes from you scary pleather crotch.

WHY!? Why do almost 40 years olds like Cameron Diaz pile on makeup, wear short skirts and go to events for 16 year olds? I'm sure she's lovely in person but when she does this she looks like the old lady from Titanic in comparison. An important lesson for moms and adult women everywhere: stop competing with teens. You'll lose every time.

Oh hey, one of the 90 Kardashians in attendance for reasons I don't understand. Thanks for not trying too hard. Wait, did I say "too hard?" I meant "at all."

OMG, I totally had this dress. I was 10. And it was in the form of pajamas. Aaaand they glowed in the dark. But, um, it's really nice on you too Fergie Ferg.

I'm sure this is just the camera angle or something, but short girls, LISTEN! Long shirt plus awkwardly long skirt will not make you long. It will just make you look freakishly short and uncomfortable. I think she has roughly three inches of leg.

Wait! STOP THE PRESSES! Are you telling me Kim Kardashian came to an event wearing something short and tight? I don't know if I can handle the sheer unexpectedness. Though, on the bright side, I can't see her boobs, which is more than I can say for all the K's in attendance.

And, since you don't think I'm the meanest person EVER, I will say that Nikki Reed NAILED this and looks perfect for something like Teen Choice. Not too glammed up, not too freaky, just perfect and tan and comfy and IN YOUR FACE OTHER TWILIGHT GIRL! I would like to own this dress immediately.

(All pics found here.)

Well I'm off to have a girl's day and eat Chinese food and see "The Help." I'm pretty excited actually. Especially because the theater we go to has ice cream. Except they also have wooden spoons and wooden spoons make me gag so I have to bring my own. It's BYOS!

Happy Friday!!


kanaboke said...

Your Freaky Fridays always make my friDay!! I can't stop laughing...especially about Fergie's attempt to DIY your jammies into a Teen Choice Award appropriate dress!! Kinda like that Kardashian chick stealing my purple kitchen curtains and DIYing into her freaky dress!! Oy Vey!

Arienette said...

Why does Raven have white-lady legs?
Kardashian 1 looks like she wore a really nice dress, then tucked a blue chiffon tablecloth into the top of it. Is that actually a super-chic make-up cape? You know, to stop the 7 tons of bronzer messing up her dress? And she forgot to take it off? Oh how embarassing, Kardashian!

Jae said...

The two younger Kardashians were there too and it was just problematic. Also, Khloe wore animal print for a change.

PS kanaboke, didn't everyone have star jammies at one point in time? lol.

Queen Mommy said...

The Help was so good! A friend and I went on Thursday night (and we weren't wearing too much make up, ridiculously short skirts, or glow in the dark star pajamas!).

Jae said...

Queen, good to know. Did you cry? I bawled like a BABY. A puffy, red baby.

Queen Mommy said...

Oh, I totally cried. And cried. I'm a crier at movies though.....even at Free Willy.


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