Friday, June 10, 2011
I must have pregnancy on the brain today. Probably because I habitually get pregnant at the end of May. Last month I realized that my youngest is the age my oldest was when I got knocked up again and I swear I broke into a cold sweat. I don't know HOW I thought I was ready then. My youngest is a tiny terrorist and he leaves everything in his path bruised, bloodied and destroyed. I can't have anymore kids just because I shudder to think what he'd do to them.
That's my story today anyway. Anytime someone asks me when I'm having another I like to give another from my list of "1,001 Reasons Why Jae Should Stop Procreating Immediately."
Reason #342: I have a deathly fear of ultrasound machines.
Reason #667: I don't like children.
Reason #29: The Bachelorette is on.
Anyway, I did come across some AWESOME maternity photos while reflecting on my own pregnancies. I warn you: there is a lot of body exposure and even more awkwardness. I will tell you now that I didn't post the worst one because this is a family site. But I might post the link in the comments because it is TOO GOOD.
Is it me or is Halloween and pregnancy the only time women can wear nothing and no one can say anything about it? I understand that the pregnant form is beautiful and you want to preserve the memory, but I really don't see the purpose in the bunny tail. Also, were these pictures done at Sears?
Speaking of bunnies... didn't "being sexy" get you into this mess? Somewhere, Hugh Hefner is turning over in his grave.
What's that? He's not dead yet? Well, then he's turning over in his mid-afternoon nap.
PS the proximity of that man to her crotch befuddles me.
Oh pregnancy! So many cravings! I spent my last pregnancy craving sushi. For some women, it's pickles and ice cream. And the always classic watermelons and handguns. Pregnancy is so SILLY!
Why hello! You just caught us semi-naked walking through the forest! Wanna paint my belly and take pictures?
Just one word: HOW. HOW was this woman hoisted into this tree? Mind = boggled.
Contrary to popular belief, their favorite broadway show is "Phantom of the Opera."
PS, I was reflecting on how women talk their husbands into stuff like this. If I were like "Hey honey, want to go have our entire bodies painted like characters from "Cats" and take pictures?" He would laugh and then nervously walk away to build something.
I wish we lived in a culture where it was OK to get naked and wear a Russian hat and eat pregnant women's bellies. One day.... one day.
Let's play "Spot the Obvious Thing that is Wrong With this Picture!!!" You have 10 seconds. GO!
I hate these types of pictures. Nothing like commemorating your pregnancy and the fact that your husband has completely let himself go in one shot. Oh, memories.
I've seen bow shots that are cute. But bow shots that make the belly look like a Faberge egg? Super creepy.
Hey, it's totally fine to take pictures of your uber cute belly in those last few months of pregnancy. Plus they can act as proof when you go to guilt your kids, as in "REMEMBER WHEN I LIKE, TOTALLY GESTATED YOU? Clean your room!"
But don't overshare.
FINE I'll post the worst one in the comments. But you've been warned. It might ruin your Friday, and Fridays are sacred and precious to me.