Friday, May 28, 2010
I obviously have a Statcounter installed on this site so I can see who is floating around. Mostly I use it to see how many hits a day I'm getting, and where they are coming from, but every so often I peek in the keyword analysis to see what people are searching in order to happen upon my site.
They. Are. Hilarious.
My fave fashion blog, Daddy Likey does "Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey" , where she answers questions asked solely to the search engine when someone is searching and finds her site. I thought it would be fun to do some keyword analysis of my own using the awesome inquiries that people type into Google before landing over here. These are ACTUAL searches... I'm serious.
1) Eyeliner Memories?
Um, okay... I have an eyeliner memory. Once, when I was in the hospital, I was feeling vain and brought along all my makeup. I was going to be there for six weeks for goodness sakes. The only shelf in the hospital bathroom was directly above the jet-engine toilet, so I stuck all of my makeup there. After doing my makeup one day ( I was only allowed out of bed to shower, so I made the most of it) I put my eyeliner back and it rolled immediately into the toilet. When I made a desperate grab for it (not in the water) I triggered the motion sensor and it was flushed down the toilet. Heartbreaking. I don't know why you wanted to rehash such a sad memory.
Also, when I was 14, I wore white eyeliner until I found out that only easy girls did that. So I switched to brown. Enough memories for you?
2) I don't own any capris.
That's probably because you've read my blog. I give you a hearty cyber pat on the back.
3) Miley Cyrus bad outfits.
Wrong website, bub. I cover an extensive array of bad fashion, but not THAT bad. You're looking for "How Not to Dress Like a Normal and Respectable Teenager".
4) My mom dresses badly.
First of all, bless your little heart for being caring enough about your mom to run a Google search on her. Really, bravo. Secondly, give her the website to this blog, and tell her I'm here for her. Also, let her know that every time she wears tapered jeans, God kills a blind puppy.
5) What to wear to the OB/GYN.
Well, first, we need to have a frank discussion of what goes on at the OB/GYN. He checks out your lady parts in a non-threatening way. I say skip the wait and go pantless. Will it make the other people in the waiting room uncomfortable? Yes. But it'll get rid of that awkward moment when you're asked to derobe and given a paper sheet to be modest with. Your OB will soon know you as the fastest appointment of the day, and he might give you a discount. You heard it right here, folks.
6) I hate gladiator sandals.
Hey, me too! Can we be best friends and braid eachother's hair and I'll tell you my secrets?
7) Attracting a mom.
Really? Wait, are you wanting to attract a mom because you want to date her, or wanting to attract a mom because you want a mom? Either way, you're weird.
8) How would I look in capris.
Probably stumpy. Unless.... wait, is this Heidi Klum? In that case, you'll look leggy and adorable.
9) What to wear at a wedding for ladies.
K, I know this person probably meant "What should a lady wear to a wedding" but I read it as "What to wear to a wedding for LADIES only," and in that case, the answer is plaid. Lots and lots of plaid. Especially if you're the butch one.
10) Capris and gladiator sandals?
My world just exploded. Thanks.
That was fun, wasn't it. Aren't you glad that if you search something odd, I'll post it here for everyone to see? I SURE AM!
And just so you know, this post was in fact Gaga-approved.
See her gesture of approval? She loves my turtleshell smock.
Well, I am kicking off a Memorial Day shopping excursion and the end to my terrible shopping diet. My shopping diet went as well as a regular diet would for me, meaning I made sneaky trips to McDonald's for a Big Mac when no one was looking.
Happy long weekend! Empty those wallets!